April Fools Expose
April Fools day is filled with deceit and trickery, but sometimes there may be a bit of the truth underneath. Here we have an expose filed by our guest reporter, April O’Neil!
I’m Channel 6’s ravishing reporter, April O’Neil. Today I’m bringing you many shocking stories from all around the world of toys! Our stories today include behind the scenes secrets from big budget movie sets, a sad update on a doctor’s mental health and a surprising turn of fate for a well known ship’s crew. Please join me as I bring you all of the details to these stories.
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves was the second largest grossing film of 1991 making 25 million in it’s opening weekend and eventually making $390,493,908 globally. While not critically acclaimed, it was definitely a box office hit.
The film crew scouted areas all over the toy box to find the perfect Sherwood Forest for their film. They found the ideal location on Endor’s forest moon. Unfortunately, the area was inhabited by small woodland creatures who refused to leave and even tried eating a few key grips on the film crew. Warner Bros. went about with a few less than legal methods and eventually pushed the Ewoks out of their homes for the duration of filming. Executives at Warner Bros. refused to answer our calls when we asked about the incident. But if you look at the Sherwood Forest playset, it’s obvious they just added some paint and leaves to the Ewok’s Village.
Our next story is a sad one. It is believed that the brilliant mind of Doctor Alec Holland has started to degenerate.
Over 44 years ago, brilliant scientist Dr. Alec Holland was caught in an explosion in his lab. At the time it was believed the doctor had died, but it was later revealed that the chemicals in Holland’s lab reacted with him and the swamp he was in to change him into a great plant-like creature. While his fine motor movements and speech were greatly hindered, it was believed that his intellect was still intact. As you can see from our photos of Dr. Holland, he appears to have made crude weapons like clubs and bone hooks. These crude weapons appear to be manufactured by a mind well below the intellect of Dr. Holland.
This is especially disconcerting when you realize the exact same weapons were used by cave men in the Bone Age. We borrowed a modified DeLorean DMC-12 and traveled to the Bone Age. That’s where we found Crag the Clubber (The chief of the Stone Clan) in mortal battle with the Lava Clan chief, Volc the Voracious. If you look at the weapons they’re wielding, they are the exact same weapons Dr. Holland is seen using only in a different color. Has Dr. Alec Holland’s mind degenerated during his time as Swamp Thing so much that he can only make cave man tools, or has he discovered artifacts from the Bone Age and rather than preserve them, he now uses those artifacts to tear through the jungle as a mindless plant creature? Who can help the poor doctor regain his intelligence?
Lastly we have a story showing that not everyone’s lives will continue to be a cruise ship fantasy. Sometimes people’s fate takes a turn for the unexpected.
For 10 long years from 1977 – 1987 the crew of the Love Boat brought magical fantasies to the passengers aboard the Pacific Princess. Doc, Gopher and the cool as ice bartender, Isaac were some of the nicest, hip crew members to sail the seas of love.
Unfortunately, after the Love Boat was decommissioned, fate was not as kind to it’s crew. It is rumored that the entire crew found themselves joining the military. We know for a fact that Doc, Gopher and Isaac definitely were in the military and shortly afterward became mercenaries for hire. Doc was captured early on in their mercenary career (While under the Alias “Captain J.B.”) and is currently held in a special prison composed of a polymeric compound combined with a fibrous material.
Gopher and Isaac worked together for a long time using the aliases “Foxy” & “Dove” Sometimes they would even meet up with other mercenaries for supply runs. Here we have an undercover shot showing both Gopher and Isaac receiving a fresh supply of weapons from Colonel John “Hannibal” Smith who is typically leading the mercenary group known as the A-Team. These trade offs of supplies between the two groups would explain why the ex crew of the Love Boat seem to be wearing similar outfits as those worn by the A-Team and other military outfits like General Patch’s forces or Desert Shield or even National Defense.
Isaac Washington (AKA: Dove) was eventually captured and sentenced to 20 years for conspiring against the American government, misappropriation of military goods, multiple counts of larceny and being an unlawful combatant. Berle Smith (AKA: Gopher, AKA: Foxy) has not been seen since Isaac’s capture. Some people say he’s still out there plotting to break his partner out of jail, while others claim he changed his identity and became a morning drive time radio DJ.
We here at Needless essentials Online hope you have enjoyed this report from our sister station’s Channel 6 reporter, April O’Neil. Hope you have a wonderful April Fool’s Day, We’ll see you next year!